Remembering School

Reading another blog about our education system reminded me of an event during my oldest sons 4th grade term in the local elementary school.  First my son was almost painfully shy, preferring to get a failing grade rather than make an oral presentation in front of the class.  However, I had always been able to get through to him with gentle persuasion.  No, he never needed threatening.  This was a kid that would call us at work when he got home from school to ask if he could have a cookie.  If he couldn't get Mom he would call me.  Who does that?  My point is he was always very obedient.

During one of the report card periods, he brought home a conduct grade that was substandard for him.  That was surprising to us to the point I made an appointment to find out what he was doing so I could get it corrected.  I wasn't going to tolerate a disruptive child.  This appointment included 2 teachers and the principal, each at different times.  I was also going to ask some questions about the work he was doing at home and the quality of it. 

First visit was with the principal.  He wasn't aware of any behavior issues with him, I would need to speak with the teacher that gave that grade, but he was supportive of her regardless.  I then asked about homework, I was never seeing any brought home, ever.  He claimed that they got homework almost every day.  This would be anywhere from 15-30 minutes work per night excluding weekends.  I was pretty shocked with the minimal numbers and related to him that he didn't get ANY.  My son also claimed they were allowed time to work on homework in class, which is why he never had any.  The principal claimed that was not allowed and basically said my son was a liar.  Nothing was resolved they weren't changing anything, they thought "it was more important for the kids to have time to be kids."  Being a kid in school when I grew up was having from 1-2 hours.  High School was even more.  He also claimed so many parents had complained about the homework load being to much, that they had never had anyone complain about not enough.

The first teacher we met with gave glowing reports regarding son #1, which was what I wanted to hear.  I asked about homework, she also claimed she gave it and did not allow it to be done in class.  Why was he not coming home with homework?  No idea. 

The teacher that gave the bad conduct grade was next and was also his 'home room' teacher.  You can probably guess how this went.  She was very defensive.  She claimed the same regarding homework as the others.  Also questioned her about the work I saw, with the poor grammar and misspelling, disjointed thoughts.  Her response was that the 'idea' is what was important not those other things.  What? 

His behavior problem was his attitude, not any misbehavior at all.  Her statement was very telling on how she would read her kids.  "He sits there in his chair in his blue jean jacket slumped down."  Yes, she emphasized the italicized part and the rest also had a disdainful tone.  It was obvious she had the attitude toward him.  She misread his shyness as being unconcerned or not caring even though she rarely if ever had any interaction with him and his grades were above average.  This was about the 2nd six week grading period and she still didn't know this child.

No, I don't think I am one of those parents that defend their child no matter his behavior.  I am old school, and will get my kid corrected first.  And we did talk with him about how people can misjudge you based on appearances.  He got no more bad conduct grades.

Appearances do make a big difference in a first impression.  It was more of a body language issue with her.  We didn't allow our children to dress slovenly, and T-shirts weren't ever allowed until they got to HS and even then they weren't allowed the first week while they were meeting the teacher for the first time.

Yes, I believe our system is broken, not just the educational system but the family system too.  We have allowed ourselves to get complacent and not 'do the work' it takes to keep things right.  I am not picking on teachers, I think parents bear fault in this just as much if not more. 

Apathy is a terrible thing.

Happy Trails