Healing and Missing Him

It's been a rough few days.  The house feels lonely and quiet, even when we are both here.  It's not pleasant.  There have been many tears and the hole in our hearts hurt.  I know time is the only thing that will help this.  I has put me in a reflective mood at times.  I wonder why this time is so much harder than any others.  I suspect that there are several reasons.  Buster was a special dog.  We got him as an owner surrender from a neighbor that knew we had an Aussie already.  He was about 3 months old.  He took a back seat to our Alpha Aussie, Sierra, which we called his sister.  When Sierre passed a short 3 years later, Buster was morose for about a week.  He grieved with us.  I didn't take long to see a change in Buster.  His personality developed since he wasn't being dominated by Sierra.  She always let him know when he wasn't doing things her way.  This new Buster turned out to be one of the best if not the best dog that ever owned me.  He had more personality than we had seen before.  He came out of his shell.  I had recently retired and from that day to this past Monday, almost everyone of them, Buster was constantly by my side.  If you ever had an Aussie, you know what I mean.  There were only three times in that entire time that he and I spent apart.  He greeted me every time I came in the house like I had just gotten back from Afghanistan.  Wiggling that butt and singing his song.  With so much time spent together the bond quietly grew stronger and stronger.  We NEVER went anywhere without taking into consideration how long he would be by himself.  He truly was a family member.  I refused to even consider a kennel.  No way no how.

I can only surmise that these are just part of the reason this is harder this time.  Sometimes I feel guilty that the hurt is worse than what I felt for my grandparents.  I still have my parents so I don't know how that will be in comparison.  I can't even tolerate the thought of how it would be to lose the love of my life, or my kids and grandkids.  But I am not ashamed to miss the love of a faithful companion and express it.  The passage of time moves quickly, but at these moments, it drags.

We are healing.