As am I.  Just playing the waiting game.  Missed a doctor appointment with the ophthalmologist.  First time I have ever just flat forgot an appointment.  To much garbage in the brain box I guess.  I'll be back when I have something worthy of your time.

Weekend

Sunday was a emotional day as has been most of the weekend.  The Preacher and his wife at my congregation are moving away.  It was his last day and then on to work at another congregation closer to family.  I have grown to respect and admire and rely on this man and his family more than I could adequately express.  He has taught me so much through his teaching, but even more so through his actions.  He has helped me grow in my Faith more than he knows.  A true man of  God.  His leaving will leave a huge hole in my life.  But only for a while. 

I continue to receive support and encouragement from a lot of folks and I cannot express how much this means to me.  The offers of help, encouragement and prayers have buoyed my spirits.  I get a lot of messages through the wife.  This is great.  She needs that boost as much as I do and I want her to have it.  They know that their message will get to me.  I know that she is much closer to more people.  Whether it be for me or how she is faring, they are truly concerned.  Some are just more comfortable talking to her. 

I have learned some things about myself through this.  One, I really don't need to be alone with my thoughts to long.  They go to dark places I don't want them going.  It doesn't happen very often but it does happen.  Especially with the fact that the doctor has told me my cancer is not life threatening.  However, the docs always hedge their bets a bit and there is always something else like, 'we will know more once we do the surgery and get the full pathology and also see if we want to look at lymph nodes.'  Even though the numbers for success are incredibly high with this type cancer, there is that huge 'but' that looms in everything they say even if they don't say it.  I manage just fine most all the time, until I have to much time without enough to keep my mind occupied.  Prayer has helped at those times.  But there are times I can't turn that off completely.  Let's face it, the "C" word is a huge fear for most everyone at one time or another.  Writing about this helps in a weird way somehow.  I really can't explain it.  I just hope it reaches someone and they take action that may save their life. 

Hopefully I can grow something positive in myself out of all this.  I think I can try to be more sensitive to folks feelings when they are in crisis mode and maybe be better at saying the right things at the right time.  Or at least less awkward.  Be more prompt in responding to their crisis and making myself available to help where I can.  Rely more in my Faith.  There are two very special ladies that have had and are having their own battle with cancer, that have been so kind and gracious to me offering support.   This touches me deeply.  The grace and strength with which they face their trails is more than remarkable.  If I can match how they handle theirs by a small percentage, I would be doing pretty well. 

Most all want to help a friend or loved one somehow in these situations at one time or another and not knowing what to do or say is a problem for many.  In almost every case and mine especially, I am sure most want as I do no special treatment.  What I do need,  I need you to continue being a friend, or maybe a prayer.  I don't think that asks too much of anyone.  

 
Thanks for stopping by, and fellas, get that prostate checked.

Thinking about a new gun

A few years ago the 'rib' finally felt like she wanted to apply for a CHL.  She has shot my carry gun and very few others.  Not much but she had fun and was not afraid of them.  She had always been opposed to carrying, saying that there is no way she could ever shoot someone, even if it meant her life or one of her loved ones.  Argued trying to sway her numerous times over the next few years.  I think the change in thinking was getting some new lady friends that shot regularly and also carried. Oh, and she is NOT a libtard, not even close.

As the time approached to take the required classes, we start re-familiarizing her with my carry.  It's a surplus CZ-82.  She handled it well the last time and shot extremely well.  One of her main concerns is carry weight.   With all the weight that is already in her purse adding any pistol/gun was always significant.  She wouldn't carry it at all if she was out for an extended period shopping or the like.  I actually hoped the CZ-82 would be light enough.  Wrong. 

Was running through the operation of the CZ trying to get her confident with it before we head to the range.  She really struggled handling the slide, pulling it pack.  She actually was not able to do it even using the push method.  If she couldn't operate the slide she would never be able to pass qualification at the range.  Any other slide on any other gun would be a problem too.  One of the things that was hindering her was her nails.  They aren't very long but long enough to be a problem. 

Pondering this, I thought about her needs and just how we might solve this.  A revolver?

Started researching and came across the Ruger LCR.  Looked like this might work if she liked it.  Very lightweight, easily concealable, no slide to operate, no hammer for her to worry about.   

We head to a large gun shop to see one plus a few others.  She latched onto the LCR in .38 and she liked how it felt in her hand.   Another thing she really like was this one was an LCR-L, the model with crimson trace laser.  She shoots it OK, but that snubby is tough to shoot.  The thing that bothers me is the limited rounds, 5, and being a revolver just seems to throw her aim off just enough with that snubby barrel and heavier trigger pull.  So we may have a look at a Ruger LC9 now that she has no trouble with a slide.  Her issue had been mostly familiarity as she can operate my CZ and my 1911 with no problem at all.  They take trade-ins where we bought hers so think we might trade her LCR-L.  Don't want to buy another gun and be out another several hundred dollars with all the expenses we are having and will have occurring in the near future.   Thought a trade might make it doable.  But it can wait too.

 

If you have a suggestion let me know in the comments.

Fall is coming

The weather hear this past week has been almost perfect.  Cool dry mornings in the low 60's and getting up to around 90 in the late afternoon.  I can feel Fall in the air.  My favorite time of year.  Buster especially has been feeling it.  He has an extra spring in his step when I let him out in the morning, just bounces across his domain. A shower rolled in last night with some much needed rain for this part of parched Texas.  But not the area wide soaking we all need to break this years long drought.  Chances for more showers today.

Got a call from the surgeon's office.  The needed to reschedule my appointment.  They wanted to give me the following Friday.  A whole extra week waiting and wondering.  sheesh.  I just could hardly believe my luck.  Inquired about any earlier dates, the lady told me they had one the following Monday from my original appointment.  Let me get this staight...my Urologist wanted me to see the surgeon THIS week, couldn't get an appointment.  Got the one for Friday next week instead, it gets cancelled and you just automatically pick one a full week later when you have several openings much earlier in that week?  What am I missing here?  I want this over with not dragged out!  I don't get it at all.  Just extend the waiting game.  I'm alright, just had to vent a little.  I guess if this is the worst that happens things are pretty good. 

 

Have these out behind the house, they close during the day, not real sure what they are.  I think they are Moon Flowers.  Any ideas?

 

 

Thanks for coming by.

Have You Done It?

This is mainly directed at the men that come here, but Ladies, I'll have a message for you also.

OK fellas, gonna get down and dirty here.   Most of us men don't go to the doctor very often if at all.  And we don't even like to talk about health things we know we should do either.  Yup, it's a guy thing. 

I want to use my experience with cancer to help others be more aware of things they should be doing even though it is one of the things guys hate most. 

I was talking with a very close friend last night at church.  I was trying to encourage him to get his PSA levels checked.  Giving him as much info as I could.  I told him they found mine quite by accident, it was a just part of a routine check by a Urologist that I was seeing for another issue.  There are  NO symptoms for prostate cancer according to my Urologist.  If there are, it may be already to late ( my opinion).  I told him I would take him to the doctor to get at least his PSA levels checked.  I told him he meant to much to me to let this happen to him. He said it was a date, a year from now.  I know he thinks I'll forget.

 Well the feed back I got was that he never goes to the doctor and doesn't even have a doctor.  This kinda took me by surprise, because he is an older gentleman, and by that time most of us have a regular doctor at least, or so I assumed

Fellas, the finger wave gave my doctor NO indication that cancer was present.  It was normal.   So make sure that when you go to the doctor you get him to run a PSA test on your blood.   The key I'm told is if your PSA numbers have risen by a certain percentage over a period of time that there is a concern.  And It's not a big percentage either.  No one I know enjoys going to the doctor and especially for this check.  I tease my doc about it, asking him, "What. no dinner and movie first?" or "soft lights and music please."  As bad as it is for us, just think how bad it is for him.  Think about that.  Exactly.

So fellas, get checked ASAP, it could save your life and you owe it to your family, loved ones to be there for them and do your job.

Ladies, I know the male species is hard headed about more things than you will ever understand.  But this is one area you MUST prevail if you love or care for any man.  I know it can be almost impossible to get him to go, but you must.  This is your challenge, to get him to the doctor if he hasn't been getting checked regularly.  This is the male's Breast Cancer.  And that is not meant to make light of that at all or make it any less serious.  I lost a mother-in-law to Breast Cancer and I check with the wife regularly to make sure she does what she knows she needs to do.

Hope you are listening in your heart.  Thanks for stopping by.

Die Bambi Die!!!!!

I  just have to relate an incident while on the way to drop the wife's car off for service that just left me shaking my head.  There are a lot of deer in our neighborhood and surrounding area.  There is not a day that goes by that there are not multiple deer in our yard.  You get used to how they are and I even tend to read body language if that makes sense. 

I was following the wife down one of the main roads that serve our area.  It's a 4 lane low speed road.  I see a doe crossing the road a ways ahead of me, and I see she has a couple yearlings getting ready to follow her across.  As I approach I am reducing my speed accordingly as yearlings are less predictable.  I eventually have to nearly stop and as one of them steps into the road I am slow enough to come to a complete stop a good car length from it.  All this was done from a speed less then 20 by this point.  There was no hard braking at all just a gently slowing and then stop.  The yearling actually stopped in front of me.  It wasn't alarmed at all.  It gradually turned around and headed back to where it came from while the other yearling just watched.  Just as it is stepping up on the curb, a car that is in the inside lane about 4 car lengths behind me honked.  I looked at him in my side view mirror and assumed he was impatient and wanted the deer to move faster as I hadn't bothered to honk, just waited not wanting to scare the deer.

The deer finally leaves the road and I proceed on.  The car that had been behind me got beside me and a young lady in the passenger seat starts hollering at me as they go past, and her facial expression is angry.  No idea what she said, was wondering what in the world did I do.  I get beside them at the stop sign and she rolls her window down and accuses me of trying to run over Bambi.  WHA...? 

I try to tell her I came to a complete stop 10 feet from the deer,  I know it was a bit farther.  Not much else got out as the male driver then proceeded to cuss me and speed off.  SMH.  Why would I even slow down if I had intentions to hit this yearling?  If I did, I would have sped up so when I hit it, it would fly over the roof and into the bed of my truck so I could butcher it when I got home.  So I think, self, what are these folks thinking?  If I was that crazy to try and hit a deer by coming to a dead stop, why aren't they worried about cussing such a psycho?  I mean, think about that. 

I have fallen behind at this point and am going to make a left turn at the next street.  So I have to get into the lane they are in.  I do this and they then activate their blinker to turn left also.  Well, just let them think what I'm thinking I might be.  I intentionally don't let them get to far ahead and fall in behind them after the turn.  I can tell they think I am following.  No, I didn't even tail gate or make any gestures.  I did change lanes when they did, just want them to reconsider the next time they feel compelled to cuss some one that might be nuts.  They very soon turn left again, I keep on going my regular way without even a glance back to see if I am getting a salute.   Just shaking my head to the absurdity of it all.  

I have gotten some feed back from some visitors to this blog about having difficulty leaving a comment.  If you read and comment on other blogs you may also have had to have an ID established with either a Google account, an AIM account or the others listed on the drop down menu.  I don't know what some of the ones listed are.  I have a Google account so I sign in using that ID.  I have changed the settings so anyone can comment anonymously.  If we know each other please identify yourself somehow in the comment.  However, I suspect that anyone can anonymously say whatever they want.  I believe we all have the right to say whatever we want, but I also believe that if you say something that is hurtful or just ugly I have the right keep it off of here.  So I will moderate the comments.  My house, my rules.

Thanks for stopping by

Odds and Ends

Just a bit about one of the things that has been a concern.  Had a man come take a look at my garage door.  It got damaged by some negligence on my part.  Been damaged a couple times previously and been able to patch it up and make it work.  This time it's just to far gone.  I can get it opened and closed manually with a lot of finesse but the wife probably wouldn't be able to if I weren't there.  Did some patching up and tried it with the opener and it just got more damaged, bent, and twisted and tore sheet metal and a hinge.  Due to various reasons, one being the dog (Buster) we go in and out this door almost exclusively.   They will be out to replace it next Saturday.  This is one of the things that has been bothering me more than normal.  When I'm not here and she needs to use that door she wouldn't be able to.  I want to make this easier on the wife, by doing that it gets one more issue out of my jumbled mind.  Everyone knows I need less of that running around in the brain box even under normal circumstances.  Just gonna cost me a wad of cash that I really don't want to use, but I tell myself it's a good thing to do, and the wife is the one that prompted getting this done.  I just need to keep telling myself it's for the wife.  When it's over and done, even having spent the cash won't bother me.  Yeah, my mind is a funny thing the way it works, I know.

Buster has been a bit goofy this week.  Mainly at night when we let him out to do his business before we shut it down for the night.  He just knows there are critters running around in the yard that need his attention.  He lays by the door earlier every night sniffing and huffing at the base of the door, trying to catch a whiff of whatever he thinks may be intruding on his turf.  When he gets let out he has a pattern he always follows to patrol the yard.  Not this week.  It's straight to the tree and then over to the other tree, back and forth.  Usually he does his business and comes in right away for his treat.  Now he will stay out about an hour with his nose in the air.  I suspect he saw a cat one night, that I have seen around here.  Now he is out there just knowing that cat is there, somewhere.  If that cat isn't on his toes, well it won't be good for the cat.

This is Buster on a recent trip to the Hill Country.  First time he ever set paw in a river.  Quite and accomplishment, he hates water.  A bit unusual from what I'm told for an Aussie.

 

 

Thanks for all the support that has been shown to me and the wife.  It has been greatly appreciated and does much for our spirit.  I've learned some things about myself and how you are treated when you are dealing with something like cancer.  I will talk about that more later,  Gotta get thoughts on that more focused.

 

Thanks for stopping by.

Addressing the Future

Howdy from Texas, 

I have this nagging feeling of getting things accomplished/completed prior to my upcoming surgery.  I will be limited from doing anything remotely strenuous for a while after.  This is part of my nature, one to not have things hanging over my head that need my attention, the other my wife thinks I'm silly to even think about it.  But that's how my mind works and have never been able to turn that part of me off.   So I won't mention that here for now.  Those of you that know me can probably guess why my concern for getting these chores done prior to surgery.  Always been to much of a worrier.  

Have had some tree limbs hanging close to the roof.  Needed to get those cut back to prevent any shingle damage.  Got up there yesterday and had a look at the roof while trimming.  Noticed the wind had blown one of the limbs against the shingles more than I could tell it was from the ground.  Looked pretty bad to me.  Also found where a shingle had blown off on the ridge cap along with what may be a broken shingle.  Don't really know what to look for in detail for hail damage.  We have had some pretty good storms this year that included hail, so that was also a concern.  We had an epic storm back in July that even caused a few minor leaks in one part of the house.  Haven't had any leaks since.  I chalked that up to wind blowing it under the shingles, there was a lot of wind and rain that day/night.  That was enough in my mind to cause concern.   

Went and visited with my sons and family.  They wanted to get together since all the news about by health and I could answer any questions.  It was a great visit as usual.  A beautiful faithful family.  Gives my heart such joy and peace.  And those grandkids, my daughter has done a marvelous job as a homemaker.  My son did a great job picking this woman.

My son is an insurance adjuster and part of his job had been evaluating roofs.  So I told him my concerns about the roof and asked him to come by some time and give a look and tell me if I should call my insurance.  He came that day and put my mind at ease.  The damage isn't near as bad as I thought.  He says he will try to find me someone through his business contacts that can do a good job just repairing the existing damage and not take advantage of us. 

 

Have a few other things bugging me, things that need to be done, costing me cash that I really don't want to spend.  Trying to put them in perspective so I don't do something that can wait.  Now that is really hard for me.  The wife will just have to get in my face about it.

Hadn't planned on these posts being this long.  I certainly want to keep this interesting and I find myself getting pretty wordy. which, in person is rarely the case.  I will try to post a few pics ever so often so you can see something more interesting than my words.  Not sure I will post pics of my grandkids due to OPSEC.  Would need to get permission anyway from my son/daughter before I did.

 

Here is a shot I like.  This is early fall morning after an overnight shower.  The fog/vapor lifting off the fence was better than would show up in the pic.  Thought it really looked cool with the morning sun behind it.   Click on the pic to get a better view.

Thanks for stopping by.

Howdy from front porch of the Texas Hill Country

I am starting this blog, not because I think I am any sort of writer or even a bit interesting, but my main reason is to document for myself some things that are going on in my life and be able to look back on this as a time reference.  I find myself on the non PC side of most of the issues today, especially in the realm of religion, morality, politics, etc.  I'm sure you get the idea.

This first post will be a bit longer and wordy than I hope this to be, have to catch up from a couple weeks of events this time. 

A few weeks ago, I was referred to a Urologist.  He does some blood work etc. and tells me the results indicate that I have a 20% chance of cancer of the prostate and did I want to have a biopsy.  This isn't even why I had been referred to him so you can imagine my shock.  This is all he had to say, nothing else at all, just waiting for my response.  I told him I didn't know enough about any of this to make an informed decision that I needed to rely on his advice/information.  Maybe he was in a hurry that day, I don't know.  Wasn't to happy with how this all came about.  Only thing else he said is that he thought a biopsy was 'overkill.'  OKaaay....Still a bit shell shocked, I just agreed at that point and made the follow up appointment for 1 month. 

In the mean time I managed to see a medical pro that is like a brother to me and he was able to give me a bit of piece of mind.  Also saw my regular physician and explained to him what took place.  He echoed what my friend told me.  As I had an appointment already scheduled we would wait and see how the next Urologist visit went.

Well, as you can probably guess it wasn't rainbows and unicorns.  First thing out of the mouth of the PA was, 'he wants you to have a biopsy, your numbers are still climbing.'  More shock and disappointment you can be sure.  Biopsy is scheduled.

Friday Sept. 12 is the biopsy.  Not at all a pleasant event.  Have no idea why anyone would want that job the poor guy helping the Urologist has.  Guess that is why he wasn't in a real humorous mood.  Tells me he fully expects to call me in a week to 10 days with good news given my numbers were so low.

Wednesday Sept. 17 the Urologist calls before 8 AM with the results.  Cancer, the thing I have had this fear of all my life.  Goes on to explain it's not life threatening BUT it does need to be treated and can I come in soon so he can lay it all out for me.  Great.  Just great.  Get scheduled for the coming Friday.  The wife walks in about that time and I have to explain that to her. 

A bit about this woman that is the love of my life.  She has seen so much sickness and heartache with her parents and many friends.  I vowed to myself to try to take care of myself as well as I could so I wouldn't burden her with more.  I know, I know, not a lot you can do about this.  However, she has the most tender heart of anyone I have ever known.  Almost to tender, it can get hurt easily.  But, she is also a very strong woman and rebounds in an amazing fashion.  But, still didn't want to see that look in her eyes when I told her.  I was actually more calm than I would have expected.  I believe my Faith in the Almighty has grown over the last 2 years more than at any other time, and is the reason for my demeanor.  I believe in the power of prayer. 

Our conference with the doc was on Friday Sept. 19.  He spent an hour with us laying it all out and the options.  He answered all our questions and some we didn't know to ask.  In short, with my age and the large amount of cancer they biopsy revealed, I am not a good candidate for radiation and surgery was in his opinion the best option.  So we are going to jerk that thing outta there.

We have an appointment scheduled for Oct 3 to see the surgeon.  All he does is prostatectomies.  We will see what he has to say and when the surgery is scheduled for.

I apologize for the length of this, and the lack of humor and interesting things.  Guess this isn't a way to build a blog following at all.  But, remember, that's not the real reason why I started this.  Just need to document this for my failing memory.

Oh, I will have a few rants in the future about politics or government.  May talk about my guns and my dog and my kids and grandkids and just general things going on here in this part of Texas.